i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
