with your own penis?
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
