you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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