first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize