i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
