My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
