I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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