i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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