Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
too bad you live with your parents still
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
