I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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