u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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