took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Randomize
