Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
