the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
my poor anus
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
