How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
