Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
