I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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