i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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