Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
