But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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