We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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