covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
