i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
