Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
