Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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