whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
