Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
