I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize