yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
