My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
