on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
should my penis look like a turkey
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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