I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
