i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
