i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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