hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
