Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
