We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
