Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
