Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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