Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
