Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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