I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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