so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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