i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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