there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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