At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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