after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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