You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
