Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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