can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
