all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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