i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
