No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
