on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
