omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
