Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
