youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
