You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sorry about my life...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize