where am i from again
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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