Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
