I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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