You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
