She said her name was "party"
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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