party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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