It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
