I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
sarcasm needs its own font
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize