On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I smell stomach acid.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
