I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
