It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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